Kak and Awk bring Nuala to new levels of hell

[dunlending]

Kak: *flies in through Nuala's wind, pack of rabbit meat in his beak for her*

Nuala: *sitting on her couch, working on some embroidery. She looks up and arches her eyebrows.* What've you got there?

Awk: Gifts! *flying along behind!*

Kak: *drops it in her lap and caws triumphantly*

Nuala: *feels it squish and sets aside her hoop so she can unwrap it* Meat! *and it smells fresh, which is good.* Where'd you get it?

Kak: We tricked an elf. *lands on her shoulder and preens her hair* He thought we'd give him red string for it.

Awk: A very stupid elf! *landing on her knee and perching there*

Nuala: *scoffs and laughs* As if you'd ever give anyone your red string.

Kak: I know! He was so stupid!

Awk: He thought I was a LADY.

Nuala: Well, sometimes it's hard to tell the elf men from the elf ladies. I imagine that's why.

Awk: Hmm probably. They DO seem confused.

Kak: How do you tell?

Nuala: Well, the elf lords have bumps here on their throats. *pointing to where an adam's apple would go* Human men, too.

Awk: Ahhh.

Kak: I see, I see... *hops into her cloth basket to search for string*

Nuala: *gets up to put away the meat* There's nothing red in there. It's all blue and silver.

Kak: *sad sigh and hops over to the nest that he and Awk have made on a kitchen chair*

Awk: Silver IS pretty but not for ravens! *and he's doing a short glide over there*

Kak: We SHOULD get him twigs.

Kak: Due payment.

Nuala: Apart from tricking elves into giving you meat, what have you two been up to today?

Awk: Many things. And I suppose SO. It will keep him working for us!

Nuala: Do elves like twigs?

Kak: Twigs are useful!

Kak: If we had coins, we wouldn't have had to trick him.

Awk: *NODDING HIS HEAD*

Nuala: *grinning* What would an elf do with twigs, then?

Awk: Pick his teeth!

Kak: Get things out of hard to reach places!

Nuala: Maybe scratch his back?

Awk: Oh maybe!

Kak: See? Many uses for a twig. Fair payment for his services as our servant.

Nuala: Who was this elf?

Awk: A servant elf.

Nuala: Are you sure?

Kak: We didn't get his name. Why should we get his name? *settles happily into the nest*

Nuala: Well, it behooves you to know the names of your servants.

Kak: He's too stupid to have a name! *raveny laugh*

Awk: We should GIVE him a name.

Kak: Bigelf.

Nuala: Not sure he'd like that.

Kak: What would you call him? It's not like he has strawhair, so we can't call him stupid horseman.

Nuala: I'll find out what it is. Just point him out to me if you see him. *is very curious*

Awk: We can do that!

Kak: You can rough him up if he causes us trouble. *pokes his head up alertly*

Kak: That stupid cat chased us the other day.

Kak: But we got his horseman!

Awk: RIGHT into the fountain!

Kak: *cackles*

Nuala: *frowns and sighs* Again? That cat…

Nuala: Hold on, the fountain? Go on.

Awk: He was trying to stop us from bargaining fairly.

Kak: Yes! The stupid cat was after us! And the horseman we took money from was with him and the stupid cat jumped at us and the stupid horseman tried to arrest us and we sent him into the fountain!

Nuala: He tried to arrest you??

Kak: That's why we sent him into the fountain. *careful explaining, humans after all*

Dagnir: *has appeared in the window during all this, for a check up on his chosen human*

Nuala: Well, avoid him from now on, if you can?

Kak: But he's a goldmine!

Awk: When things go wrong, he blames us though.

Awk: We just have to get SMARTER about it.

Nuala: Just be careful, if you please.

Kak: We should scare him!

Awk: Even he may learn some of our capers now. So we must invent new ones! We will be very careful!

Dagnir: *hops down into Nuala's living room with a loud thump*

Kak: *SCREAMS*

Awk: *SCREEEEECHHH*

Dagnir: *makes a show of not even paying attention to the freaking out birds and licks his paw*

Kak: Get out! Get out!

Nuala: *jumps in alarm at all the noise and spots Dagnir* You!

Dagnir: *looks up at her, then walks over to rub against her legs, purring*

Nuala: *picks him up by the scruff, unimpressed* Were you chasing my ravens again?

Dagnir: *careful not to react too much or he'll get kicked out, but gives her an unamused look* Mroooowl.

Kak: *as high as he can get in the room* Get it out!

Nuala: Don't do it again. I mean it. *not that she can enforce that but still* I know you're smarter than a regular cat. You cross them, you cross me. *puts him down and smooths his fur where she'd grabbed him*

Dagnir: *presses up into her hand, eyes on the birds in case they try anything. Decides that this is a good response. Perfect for a Theo-wife*

Kak: You're just letting it stay! Throw it out the window!

Awk: *shaking*

Nuala: *to Dagnir* I think it's time for you to go.

Dagnir: *disdainful sniff*

Nuala: *crosses her arms* This is their home. I'll not have you frightening them here.

Awk: Badcatbadcatbadbadcat!

Dagnir: *turns a murderous look on Awk*

Awk: *TERRIFIED SCREAM*

Nuala: *puts her hand out so Awk can hop up on her shoulder for safety*

Dagnir: *tries to ingratiate himself to Nuala with purring and petting his head against her legs*

Kak: Oh my heart.

Awk: *hops shakingly*

Nuala: *strokes Awk's feathers and speaks firmly* Dagnir. I'm serious.

Dagnir: *sighs and hops to the window and out the fire escape*

Kak: That's right! And you don't come back!

Awk: *gives Nuala a nuzzle* Best human!

Kak: *flies to her other shoulder* Partner!

Nuala: It's like I said. This is your home and he can't just come in here and frighten you like that.

Awk: Thank you so very much.

Kak: *preening her hair lovingly*

Nuala: *smiles and pets them both* Come on, you two. I think I need to go to market. I've got a project that calls for more string.

Awk: *happy preen!*

Kak: *happy to be her raven honourguard*

Nuala: *heads out of her apartment and locks it up, down the stairs and towards the market* What colors do you suppose I ought to get?

Kak: Red.

Nuala: We'll get some red string, then. *looks a bit eerie walking about with a raven on each shoulder*

Kak: Oh! There! There's our servant! *when they get to the market and he spots Fingon*

Fingon: *ambling around, buying things*

Kak: *flies over to talk him into getting string for Nuala* Servant!

Nuala: *eyes widen slightly because she recognizes him, so she chases after Kak and makes a shushing noise*

Kak: *doesn't hear her and lands on Fingon's head and NOTICEABLY PECKS HIM*

Nuala: *wonders if she ought to hide or something?*

Awk: *SQUAWKS in Fingon's ear* THE KING IS SPEAKING, SERVANT.

Fingon: Oh. OH *at the peck, * ...My Raven Lords.

Kak: We require string now! Lots of it!

Nuala: *trying to get their attention without getting Fingon's to tell them NO NO GOD NO*

Awk: GLORIOUS string to decorate the walls of our palace!

Fingon: *blinking* But...I was not paid the last time, my lords.

Kak: And to reward our loyal retainer, Nuala!

Awk: *PECK*

Awk: She is our knight, bravest in the land having stood up against our mortal enemy. And she must have the tokens of honor.

Kak: One of these balls of string must be red!

Nuala: *deep breath, and exhale. She steels herself and approaches the elf, feeling incredibly small in comparison.* Kak, Awk!

Kak: Shh! *at her*

Kak: KING KAK. QUEEN AWK.

Awk: She is forgetful. It is not her land's way to address birds as royalty.

Nuala: *wants to cover her face a little bit*

Awk: But she is brave and true and we must have string as her reward!

Nuala: *awkwardly bowing to FINGON, not the birds* My lord, I… You needn't trouble yourself on my account. *meaningful look at the ravens COME ON GUYS*

Kak: Yes! Get the string! *leans back his head to peck again*

Fingon: You are their retainer? *trying to give her a look the birds won't see, and it's sympathetic*

Kak: *peck*

Nuala:

Nuala: … Yes, my lord.

Fingon: I see... *you poor thing mixed up with them.*

Awk: Then you know we must reward her! Come!

Kak: You are being so slow to get the string! So stupid!

Awk: We do not want to cause an incident with your king but if we must! *FLUFFS*

Nuala: No no, it's really all right. I can get the string for myself! *imploring look at the birds*

Kak: No, you must be rewarded for your heroism!

Fingon: ... Let's go and find the string then.

Fingon: *making a note to get information from her alone at some other point in time*

Nuala: *resigned sigh as she follows after*

Kak: *sees a ball of red yarn and beady eyes fill with glee* That! We also require that!

Awk: So red! So soft!

Kak: Getitgetitgetit!

Awk: NOWNOWNOW!

Nuala: *picks it up and makes a placating gesture to the ravens* We're getting it, calm down.

Nuala: … My lieges.

Fingon: What else do you require?

Kak: Tell him the string you want, Nuala. *grandiose*

Nuala: *feels very nervous* I don't need anything else. This is enough.

Kak: She wants the finest strings.

Awk: THE BEST! The VERY best! *NIP*

Nuala: This will do, really!

Kak: Now!

Nuala: *grabs a skein of shiny gold thread and holds it up as if to say 'see look I got one now calm down' and then hands them both to the vendor to put them in a bag for her*

Fingon: *just kind of awkwardly standing there at this point like 'get whatever'*

Kak: *swoops down to grab what he likes best, which happen to be the most expensive threads there, not that he knows* And she will take this!

Awk: Oh those are PRETTY.

Nuala: *blushing red*

Awk: *looks around for something now*

Kak: *collects some buttons too*

Fingon: *giving Nuala a sympathetic look * I've got this. I'll just have..questions later.

Nuala: *nods mutely*

Awk: *does a little flyby then swoops to pick up the shiniest things*

Kak: There! This will satisfy us, servant!

Fingon: Very well then!

Kak: What a good servant you are. You will be rewarded.

Awk: *preens Fingon happily as he pays*

Kak: Such a good servant. Wonderful servant. A credit to the elves.

Nuala: *kind of needs to sit down or faint or something*

Kak: We will tell the king of the elves what a good job you have done for us.

Nuala: *taking the bag after Fingon has paid for it* Ah, why don't the two of you return to our… to the castle. You can take the string. … My lieges.

Kak: Don't dally, fair knight! *carries off his package, cackling*

Awk: *trails off with what Kak couldn't carry, laughing*

Nuala: *leans heavily against the kiosk's table once the ravens are gone* Spirits help me...

Fingon: ...That was strange and awkward. I just...have some questions about how you know them and what you know about them. The guard's been putting up quite a resistance to them.

Nuala: *quickly bows to him again* I am so sorry, my lord. Please, let me pay you back for the thread. And… the meat from earlier, which I'm assuming you bought.

Fingon: I did but you don't have to...I've been investigating these ravens undercover. No one even knows I'm doing it I'm so undercover. I just....would like to know more about them. Not to get them in trouble but to see...how this can be dealt with

Nuala: They live with me. They built a nest in my apartment. I… I am aware that they've been, ah, heckling a few Rohirrim but I didn't realize they were being pests to this extent.

Fingon: Well...the one in question is one of the guards. That's part of the problem.

Nuala: *longsuffering sigh* I'll tell them to stop. They'll probably listen to me.

Fingon: That would be amazing. It would save so much trouble.

Nuala: I'll do what I can. They aren't my pets and I can't control them, but they are my friends and I don't want them to get in trouble.

Fingon: The city would be in your debt.

Nuala: *rubs her face and sighs* I'll do what I can. They're really not as bad as they seem.

Fingon: They seem...mostly out of place. I'd like to help them find one.

Nuala: *nods* Many of us are out of place here, my lord. I should go and speak with them before they fly off again.

Fingon: That would be wonderful. Thank you.

Nuala: Thank you, my lord. *bows deeply and excuses herself*

BACK AT THE "CASTLE!"


Kak: That silly elf had no idea!

Awk: We are AMAZING!

Kak: The SMARTEST!

Awk: Most brilliant in the land. Another successful caper!

Kak: Everyone is in awe of us!

Kak: IF THEY HAD ANY IDEA! *cackle*

Awk: We wll rule this city, Kak. RULE it as the true king and queen!

Nuala: *BURSTS INTO HER APARTMENT*

Kak: Look! We set out your string! *is rolling around in the red yarn*

Nuala: That was the king's brother.

Kak: That was not my brother.

Awk: Kak and I are brothers in arms but we have no others here.

Nuala: The brother of the elf king. The one whose face is on all the coins

Kak: *confused headtilt, yarn flopping around*

Nuala: I need you not to bother him anymore. Or people who are guards, even if they are horsemen.

Kak: *not computing, tilts head further*

Awk: Whaaat?

Kak: *nearly has his head upside down*

Nuala: They might catch you! Put you in cages! There are people who are angry about what you're doing and I can't always protect you.

Kak: Caw?

Nuala: If you're going to pretend to be a regular raven, don't make it sound like a question.

Awk: *screee?*

Kak: They can't put us in cages. We are CITIZENS.

Kak: *has no idea what jail is*

Nuala: Citizens can be put in cages if they steal from other citizens. Or con them out of money. Do you understand?

Awk: They CAN?

Kak: That's insane! *head still tilted*

Nuala: They absolutely can.

Kak: But we're smarter! We should have that money!

Awk: They do not value being clever?

Nuala: Not as much as you'd think.

Awk: That is STRANGE.

Kak: *hops up to Nuala, trailing red yarn* Don't let them put us in cages.

Awk: We wouldn't LIKE cages.

Awk: *has been picking at the yarn happily for bits to line the nest*

Kak: They had cages at the place they sent us!

Nuala: *scratches his head* I don't imagine you would, but you have to stop tricking people into giving you money.

Nuala: Promise me.

Awk: The cages were bad. So bad. I...can promise.

Kak: *reluctant, LIKES tricking people* What if we were more clever about it?

Nuala: It doesn't matter how clever you are. If enough people complain, they'll send men to catch you and put you in a cage forever. I don't want that to happen to either of you.

Kak: *unhappy noise and huddles under Nuala's hand*

Nuala: *pets them both and signs deeply* I don't want anything to happen to you two. You're my friends.

Kak: I promise. But we were VERY clever.

Awk: Of course we are your friends. You were good to us. You are still.

Nuala: And I always will be. But you must be more careful. I can't always protect you.

Kak: ... Do we keep the yarn?

Nuala: … We can keep the yarn.

Awk: YAY!

Kak: YAY!