(no subject)

[second_time_around]

He has trouble sleeping, after his fight with Maglor...

Nerdanel: Using your pride as a weapon against your child? oh Fëanáro… *saddened*

Fëanor: He's not a child, and he's stealing and lying, trying to thwart me.

Nerdanel: *just looks sad and disappointed*

Fëanor: *extremely hurt*



Nerdanel: Fëanáro…

Fëanor: I've done nothing wrong. Nothing to him. And he... betrays me. For no reason.

Nerdanel: *sighs against his ear* Fëanáro.

Fëanor: .... yes?

Nerdanel: Betrayal? Really?

Fëanor: Yes. I did not ask for his loyalty again. I did not ask him to swear an oath. I have kept myself away from him and the others, as much as I could. And he... out of nowhere! does this to me.

Nerdanel: *ghosts her fingers through his hair* You don't see how you worry him…

Fëanor: *leans into the ghostly touch; can't help himself* I try to remove myself from them all. To not involve others in ... whatever mistakes I make. And still. He doesn't even try to talk to me, if he's worried? He just... betrays me.

Nerdanel: *laughs, but it is a sad laugh* Talk to you? Fëanáro, since when have you listened?

Fëanor: I know. I know how I was. But I have tried to change since coming here. I have done all that I know how. And I have stayed away from them all, so as not to ruin their lives again. But ... when have they tried? I know they do not respect me. I know they talk about how insane and dangerous I am. But not one has spoken to me of any concerns... I just did not expect this. *equally sad*

Nerdanel: *kisses his mouth* Oh my darling…

Fëanor: *don't make him miss you more, Nel!*

Nerdanel: Don't be so hard on them. Or yourself.

Fëanor: I should be hard on myself.

Nerdanel: *still playing with his hair* It is a lot of time to right. Be patient...

Fëanor: I know. I don't expect them to forgive me. And I don't expect their trust. Or their love. I just don't expect ... this kind of attack.

Nerdanel: Okay, it was not the cleverest thing Makalaurë has ever done, but...

Fëanor: *bitterly* Not the smartest thing...

Nerdanel: *nuzzle* He's hurt you, I know...

Fëanor: *shrugs*

Nerdanel: And so you try to hurt him in your turn… *kisses his face*

Fëanor: I was angry.

Nerdanel: I know.

Fëanor: I still am. *hurt; so hurt*

Nerdanel: Why? *pets*

Fëanor: Because of what he did.

Nerdanel: Which was? *strokes his cheek*

Fëanor: Betray me.

Nerdanel: *sorrowful*

Fëanor: I will leave them all alone. *vows to become even more of a hermit*

Nerdanel: *sad eyes at him*

Fëanor: Perhaps I will ... return to you.

Nerdanel: If you mean killing yourself, I swear before Eru...

Fëanor: *had considered it, yes, especially when he misses her* You swear what?

Nerdanel: That you won't have a bed to come home to.

Fëanor: I can build a boat.

Nerdanel: *smiles* Fëanáro. Take care of my children where I cannot, will you? You must do that.

Fëanor: Your children do not want me, nor do they need me. They are clear on that.

Nerdanel: *looks at him* You are their father.

Fëanor: I know. And I ruined them. I ruined their lives. They resent me for good reason.

Nerdanel: Fëanáro. Self pity is unbecoming on you.

Fëanor: It's not self pity. It's the cold, hard truth.

Nerdanel: You think they did not make their own choices, every one of them?

Fëanor: I don't think they think so. I think they blame me. And they are right.

Nerdanel: Even still, you must try! *pleading*

Fëanor: Why, when I will just ruin their lives more? *bitterly*

Nerdanel: *sighs and steps back* Will you give up on me as easily as you have given up on them?

Fëanor: *reaches a hand to her* I miss you every day. Every hour. Every minute.

Nerdanel: *takes his hand and kisses his fingertips* Am I not in them?

Fëanor: You are with me. Always. *voice yearning*

Nerdanel: Always.

Fëanor: I have wronged you as well. I do not blame you for giving up on me, as our children have.

Nerdanel: I will never give up on you, my darling.

Fëanor: *long silence*

Nerdanel: *kisses again*

Fëanor: *softly* But you have. You are not here. This is just my madness again, speaking to me, as my heart wants.

Nerdanel: *softly too* Perhaps. Perhaps I am a part of you, like you remain a part of me.

Fëanor: Always.

Nerdanel: I love you...

Fëanor: And I you...

Nerdanel: *tucks a lock of hair behind his ear* Wake up, Fëanáro…

Fëanor: If I refuse, will you stay? *because this kind of madness.... would be worth it*

Nerdanel: *giggles*

Fëanor: *loves the sound*

Nerdanel: Perhaps. *winks*

Fëanor: Then I will stay asleep forever.

Nerdanel: *fond* You are so bad...

Fëanor: *knows she will be gone when he wakes*

Nerdanel: *until then, stays with him*

She is gone.